God's Waiting Room

Some of you are wondering, "So, did she get the job??"....

I had a wonderful second interview Friday morning and was confident that I had the job in the bag. So confident, in fact, that I had my childcare all arranged for tomorrow and my mom & I were working on a plan for a one-week Victimology class I was going to be required to attend later this month in Salem. However, the Executive Director called me Friday afternoon to let me know that they had offered the job to the other final candidate. She was extremely apologetic and wanted to let me know that my interviews were wonderful and there was nothing I could have said or done differently. She said it was the hardest decision they'd ever had to make and that they actually spent some time trying to see if they could possibly come up with a job-share scenario, or even create a new position for me. But they're non-profit, so who's kidding, right? In the end it came down to the other person having a little more experience than me.

When I hung up the phone, my first reaction was to laugh. It's been 12 long months of job-hunting and interviewing for me. Twelve months of seeing jobs that don't pay enough to cover my childcare expenses, and twelve months of being rejected in every interview I've been in. Twelve months of making it to a final interview and still being overlooked. Twelve months of bidding on at-home jobs that go to another bidder. And eight months of trying to get clients for my business.

For some reason God is closing every single door in my face. I'm at a loss to explain why. I'm confused and fighting to not allow the feeling of desperation to gain a foothold. God is silent while I live every day being only a day away from losing everything and having not one penny to my name to take care of my family's basic needs.

After Friday's phone call, I figured it was good that I was on my way to a Christian comedy concert with my friend Chonda Pierce. I knew the timing wasn't coincidence.

Chonda and I became friends in '94 or '95 and had fun for many years. We emailed each other, stayed at each other's homes on occasion, and met up at numerous concert locations where I would help her. We have many fun memories of laughing, talking and playing together.

About 6 or 7 years ago we lost touch. On her end, her career took off and keeping up with email became a luxury. On my end, I was also newly married and busy with life. So I looked forward to having this opportunity to reconnect with her.

I didn't have high expectations on reconnecting. I knew I'd only have a very few moments during intermission when about 15 fans were also vying for her time and attention. However, she came right over to me and gave me a great big hug. We had a little "reunion", as she called it, for about 5 minutes before she turned her attention to the rest of the room. It was sweet sharing a moment with my friend. I asked about Doris; she asked about Debbie. She scolded me for not having pics of my boys to show her. I promised to email them to her.

But God used my friend in yet another way that night. He used something Chonda said from the stage. She talked about the times in our lives when we are in God's Waiting Room.... those times when He is totally silent and it appears as though He's not working, or not listening. We want God to work NOW.... but He's God and He's not going to work until He's good and ready. During those times we tend to put on a good front and try to make it look like He's working when He's not.... as though we have to protect God's reputation or something. But like Chonda said, look around.... His reputation is just fine. He doesn't need us pretending in order to make Him "look better". He wants us to be honest and real with each other. No pretending. And He also wants us to trust Him.

So this is me.... stuck in God's waiting room. I don't know how long I'll be here, or how in the world I will get through financially. All I can do is to continue to seek work, continue to market my business, and continue to pray for direction. The rest is God's responsibility. And He'll do something about it when He's good and ready.

Until then, I will need your encouragement. A lot. And often.

And while I sit in this waiting room of His, I know that I also need to be looking for the reasons He has me here. What am I supposed to be doing? What am I supposed to be learning?

One of those answers may just be found in this book. My mom loaned it to me. She got it because she heard it was good. Turns out that many churches are using this book in their small groups.... and many bookstores are banning this book because it challenges so many of our preconceptions about God.

It's that good.

I'm only halfway through it and already I am amazed at how my thinking and perception of God has changed. Tami (Michael's sister) and Judy (his mom's best friend) and I had a great discussion about this book on the long ride home from Friday night's concert. Judy's read the book, and Tami is about as far into it as I am.

It's pretty incredible. And although I'm not yet finished with it, with endorsements from people like Michael W. Smith, Eugene Peterson and Wynonna Judd, I feel safe in telling you this: Run out today and beg, borrow and steal to get your hands on a copy!!!