Aahhh, I Can Breathe!

Michael & I are hooked on a PBS show called "Carrier". It's a cross between a documentary and reality tv, all about life on the USS Nimitz while on a 6 month deployment to the Persian Gulf. There are only 10 episodes and we've already seen the first 5 in the past 3 nights. It's so interesting because the people on board become real to you. We love it!

What I'm also loving is that last night Michael shared his Sudafed cold prescription with me (Sshhh, don't tell!). Within 30 minutes I was already breathing better. This morning I took a second one and it's like I don't even have a cold anymore!

Today I have to get busy getting this house ready for Open House on Sunday. It's strange to think that a bunch of strangers will be walking through while we're not here. But we're praying big that God brings a buyer out of one of those strangers.

"Be still and know that I am God."

That's our motto right now, what we're clinging to over the next several months. God is good, and He has a plan for all of us... Michael, the boys and me. We don't see it yet, but we're continuing to pray for direction, open doors and miracles. And then, regardless, we will give all the glory to Him.

And you know what? We're blessed with what matters most... we have each other and we have God. That's something all four of us are thankful for every day. Nothing else really matters. We'll get through this, and when we come out on the other side, we are looking forward to dedicating ourselves to helping others.

Not Feeling Good

I'm not feeling good today. It started Friday night and has continued with me since then... not bad enough to be confined to bed all day, but bad enough to keep me from doing what I need to do. Actually, I wish I were in bed right now. Michael's had the boys since lunch so that I could sleep. I tried everything I could to sleep, but nothing worked. My mind is just racing too much to allow me to rest. I feel worse now than I did earlier.

I thought that yesterday I had made progress in getting better. We didn't go to church because I didn't want to infect anyone else. Instead we went up to Michael's and he had me lay down while he took care of the boys. My chest hurt, my eyes were burning, and I think I fell asleep within seconds. Three and a half hours after my head hit the pillow, I woke up to find that the 3 "boys" had already had 2 lunches and one very long walk from Michael's to Craig & Vickie's and back again. As the afternoon wore on, I had more energy and we took the boys out to play in the dirt and then came back inside for a late dinner. It was nice and relaxing.

Today I seem to be getting worse as the day goes on. I don't like this. I want to get well. I could sleep more if I could just get my mind to stop stressing about my legal issues. It's hard. I also can't stop thinking about everything I need to do to get the house ready for our Open House on Sunday.

On a more positive note, I am officially as of today also the Preferred Wedding Planner for 5Rock Ranch. I love those people up there!

I need to go back and lay on the couch....

Overdue Update

So here is my newest appliance... the world's smallest coffee maker. Mine (the normal-sized one in the background) bit the dust this week for some unknown reason. Just decided to stop brewing at all. So my mom found this miniature one in her garage. It works and that's what counts!

This post will be full, but short. Michael just left for home after creaming me in Sequence (our game of choice that we play numerous times a week) and my throat and ears are hurting. I think I have finally succombed to the cold that Nick started and passed to Michael and then Drew. They're all on the latter ends of their colds and I thought I had escaped unscathed. Guess not. I'm sure stress lowered my immune system.

Tuesday was a very difficult day for me emotionally... just pure stress from legal issues with Matt, and a letter from the bank holding the mortgage indicating some devastating news I had not yet been expecting. I did speak to my attorney on Wednesday and was able to see just how much she had the foresight to put protections for me into our divorce document. What a blessing she is. With her help, I have already been able to get the house back on the market and she is sending me to an attorney who specializes in both family law and bankruptcy. (No, I'm not going bankrupt; however, there are legal issues I won't get into that necessitate me talking with someone in this field in order to put in as many protections for me as possible.) I meet with him next Friday and the two attorneys will work as a team. If all goes as it should, I will not be responsible for any of my attorney or court fees. I will know more on Friday. If you'd like to pray with me, here are my requests:

... that somehow, somewhere in all of this legal mess, my anger toward Matt will turn to forgiveness instead of hatred
... that God will protect my credit
... that God will protect my business and will send me numerous clients
... that God will provide a buyer for the house, and that He will provide the means for me to pay the full mortgage and insurance payments until then

Michael & I are praying big together and believing that God can do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine. I know that God may choose not to answer those prayers and may instead simply walk with me through the valley. However, I also know that we're supposed to ask and believe in a big God. I'm not used to asking that way and actually trusting that God will choose to do something that big. So for me this is stepping out in faith... and trusting God regardless.

While on the phone with me, my attorney again mentioned that part-time job at her office she talked to me about last fall. Until now, her business hasn't been able to support bringing me on; however, her legal receptionist is going out on maternity leave sometime in the next month and my attorney would like me to step in for her. It's perfect!... it's with a wonderful Christian person and it's part-time so that I can continue with my business. Plus, if it ends up being only temporary, it will look great on my resume... something more current.

I have had a great week with my business.... I received an excellent recommendation/testimonial from my first bride, I became a preferred wedding vendor for The Mansion at the Bayou, I secured some discounts for future clients with local wedding venues, I was interviewed as the subject of a high school senior's Senior Project (on wedding planning), and I was contacted by a junior at George Fox University who wants to offer me her services in my business for free! It would be an internship of sorts because she wants to be a wedding & event planner after graduation and she needs the experience.

I'm going to have to call this quits for tonight and get myself into bed. But if you get a chance, check out my newest posts on "The 'I Do' Rendezvous" blog and pass it along to any brides-to-be that you know!!

Sweet Day with My Boys

This morning while Drew was at school and I was doing my bills in the office, Nick came in and started looking at the pics on my bulletin board from when Michael & I took the boys to the beach last fall. He became obsessed with the thought of swimming and got out one of his swimming Pull-Ups. Trying to explain to him that we needed to wait for warmer weather just didn't compute with him. So he completely disrobed and proceeded to put on both the swimming Pull-Up and his regular Pull-Up. Except that both legs ended up going through the same hole and he was left with 2 Pull-Ups encircling his waist with absolutely nothing covering his little privates. I managed to get a "G-rated" picture and just had to post it here. I was laughing so hard at him that I just had to share it.

Then this afternoon while I was on the stepper Drew came in the playroom very excited, wanting to share a couple of stories with us. He said he had been using the upstairs bathroom and had left the door half open. He closed his eyes to pray and when he opened them, the door was closed. He is convinced that an angel jumped out of his heart and closed the door for him.

He then told me that he had been having a meeting with God while sitting on the toilet (hey, why not?). He said that he had been asking God about the message he sent up to Him (see my older post on him & Nick using balloons to send letters up to Heaven). He said God told him He had received Drew's message and was working on it as quickly as He could. I asked if Drew was specifically referring to his prayer in the letter for God to send me 100 clients. He said yes. And he is absolutely convinced that God told him that.

At this point, I am willing to believe in the faith of a child and in the heart of a God Who has a special love for children.... so I am going to prepare for an onslaught of clients! I think it was in the movie "Facing the Giants" that they said if you're going to pray for rain, you better prepare for rain. So I'm preparing...

Happy Spiritual Birthday!!!

Today at Michael's the four of us had a very special party for Drew... it was a celebration of the fact that Drew asked Jesus into his heart on Thursday. It was so special... he started a conversation with me in the car on Wednesday about Heaven and I was able to share with him what it means to be a Christian. We continued the conversation on Friday and he told me proudly that he had asked Jesus into his heart in our backyard the day before. He was able to tell me exactly what that meant. Since then, he has been doing all kinds of nice things "because I have Jesus in my heart". It's been so sweet and I am so proud and so happy! Drew knew that our party was a "mirror" of the party God & His angels were having in heaven for him.

To commemorate the day, I bought him his first real Bible. He & Nick have several story Bibles and Drew reads them all the time, so he was so excited to get this one. He didn't want to go to sleep tonight because he wanted me to show him everything that was inside.

In addition to the Bible, he got a fun balloon and some homemade cupcakes! Of course they were strawberry... Drew's favorite.

We all shared the cupcakes, but Nick thought the most fun way to eat one was simply to stick his face right down into the frosting.




This weekend, with the boys gone to Matt's, Michael & I spent the whole weekend doing nothing but relaxing together. It was wonderful.

Quick Week!

Is it really almost Friday already??

On Tuesday, after looking at another house together (not a keeper), Michael insisted on taking the boys home with him while I met with my clients at my house. He also insisted that I try to take a nap afterward before coming to get them.

Once I finally got to his house mid-afternoon, the four of us went for a walk. These two silly boys here each found a salamander that they adopted as "pets" while on our walk. The poor salamanders were flung around by their tails for a good half hour or so. Somehow they survived. The boys put them in a bucket at the end of the walk in the hopes that the salamanders would be coming home with us. Not so!!

That evening Craig & Vickie came over for a little while to play with the boys (we had called Vickie to bring us some peas we needed for the tuna casserole we were making).

I made coffee for myself in the coffee maker Michael found at a garage sale (he got it so I wouldn't be deprived when I'm at his house). The reason it tasted so good is because I had the foresight to stash a thing of Coffeemate in his fridge... something that I realized on Monday I was out of at my own house. That was the day I was so incredibly exhausted and I knew I needed coffee just to make it through the rest of the day. I eagerly brewed myself some, poured it into my cup in anticipation, and then realized that I had no Coffeemate!! I was desperate at that point, so I decided to try an experimental concoction with whatever I could find. I put in a little milk along with some Hershey's syrup.... thought maybe it would taste a little like a mocha. Let's just say.... it was nasty!! So having my coffee Tuesday night at Michael's was wonderful.

Wednesday was dinner at Mom & Dad's house since Gary was in town again to take more pictures. This time he brought Joelle with him. She was here all afternoon that day to play with the boys. I think she finally realized that they've grown up enough that they are truly boys in every sense of the word... which means that she was a little bored. I felt bad for her.

Today Gary & I made an awesome swap! He brought me his lawnmower and I gave him the riding mower. It's a long story, but let's just say that each of us felt extremely happy with the trade.

Michael was here to help Gary construct the ramps and then the two of them pushed the riding mower up into Gary's truck.

Good luck, Gary! :)

I already used his mower today to mow both yards. It's a great machine and I'm so happy to finally have one of my own.

Just before dinner, Michael (with his "helper", Nick) decided to clean out my whole storage shed in the carport. He finished up after dinner while I put the boys to bed.

When I put on my shoes to go out and see his handiwork, I think I stood there speechless for a few seconds.

Only someone who's ever been here before could appreciate the fact that everything is put away and I can actually walk in there... and see the floor!

I never really went in there before, and for over a year now it has seemed like such an overwhelming task to clean it out that I've never even attempted it.

Yay, Michael! What a servant...

Exhausted!!!

This is the grade Michael gets for how he did watching the boys this weekend. He kept them extremely happy, safe, healthy & well-fed. And he ran them ragged.... let's just say that after a day of giant pancakes, helicopters, church, the park, movies, flying kites, hot-tubbing, play-doh & puzzles (at Craig & Vickie's), and other various activities, my boys were sleeping HARD when I got there Sunday night! :) And in the midst of his own exhaustion, he still thought of me... he snuck flowers in my house while I was at rehearsal Saturday night, and when I arrived at his house Sunday night, the first thing I got was a foot rub to soothe my extremely aching feet. I brought him a little thank you, and then tonight the boys & I surprised him with a couple other fun things.

The wedding yesterday went great even though there were many issues that I had to troubleshoot (most successfully, but some that just had to be let go). That's actually not a bad thing because I'm now that much more prepared for what arises at the next wedding. It was a great experience. And of course I cried during parts of the ceremony. That, I'm sure, will be standard at every wedding for me. What can I say? Like most girls, I get very sentimental and emotional at weddings. I love them.

Today I was so exhausted that I felt as though I'd been hit by a Mack truck. All I wanted to do was sleep all day. Obviously that wasn't possible, but I did manage to get a nap in the afternoon. I still feel pretty exhausted.

Tomorrow I meet with my June bride to start going over the reception itinerary. With yesterday's so fresh in my mind, it's great timing.

I think there were other fun and funny things I was going to tell you, but right now my mind isn't working real well. I still just want to curl up and sleep a little more. Maybe I will....

P.S.
Here's one awesome thing... I'm actually getting a small tax refund!!!! It's around $240. I wasn't expecting anything at all, so when Kelly called to tell me, I was pretty excited.

This Week's Update

There is no better picture than this to adequately portray the amount of stress I was under this week. In fact, I would not be surprised if I resembled this cat a time or two in the past few days.

There were four main stressors... the normal, last-minute details that were going into pulling together the wedding for this Sunday; meeting with my clients and vendors to pull together big details for the wedding in June; knowing my taxes had to be pulled together and completed by Tuesday; and then having a big legal/financial crisis pop up in my life.

On that one, I won't say much on this blog in the way of details; however, as of yesterday my house is no longer on the market due to breaches of the divorce contract that are out of my hands. It will most likely take legal action on my part to get the house back on the market. In the meantime, my realtor is leaving the sign in the yard as a favor to me. In addition to that news, I received other related news that has the potential to put both my good credit and my financial standing at great risk.... I may very soon find the entirety of the monthly mortgage payment and the house insurance laid in my lap. It has been difficult for me to pay just my half of those obligations every month; having to pay both of those obligations alone is flat out an impossibility on my part. It could cause me to lose everything.... my credit and my home.

Thinking about the ripple effect of that has caused me an enormous amount of stress. One morning, very early, I found myself wide awake and I realized that I cannot allow myself to operate every day under these high levels of stress. Next week I will take what little steps I can to do what I can do legally and the rest I have to place in God's hands and ask Him to do a miracle. And to give me peace in the meantime.

This week in the car Drew asked me why God hadn't yet answered his prayer for me to get 100 clients. He wondered if maybe his letter hadn't yet reached God, or if God was just still reading it. I took a deep breath (as I whispered to God: "I hope You're listening because I'm putting You on the spot") and I asked Drew if he remembered the stories in the Bible where God parted the Red Sea and turned water into wine and raised people from the dead. He said yes. I told Him that our God is still the same and that He has the power to send me clients. I told him that when God does answer his prayer, we're going to make sure everyone knows it was all because of God and not because of anything Mommy did.

I believe that my prayer for God to provide for me and my boys, and to protect my credit, and to sell the house before I lose it, is so small in comparison to what He is capable of. I know the solution is so incredibly easy for Him. And yet I don't know what else He has for me to learn between now and then. Every day -- maybe several times a day -- I'm going to have to accept His peace and just trust Him.

Amazingly (although why I should be so amazed, I don't know) He took care of the other 3 stressors...

... tonight we had a "rehearsal for the rehearsal" for Sunday's wedding and it all went so incredibly good

... my meetings with my June clients went great and I forged some great relationships with new vendors

... and my friend Kelly (who works for a CPA) insisted that I drop off all my tax info/receipts to her this afternoon so that she could do my taxes for me. Kelly, my debt of gratitude to you is immense. And I'm still not sure why you took that on when you are so incredibly overwhelmed doing the taxes of your paying clients!

As icing on the cake, I was contacted out of the blue by a local wedding venue that had stopped doing weddings and now is starting back up again. They are doing a marketing blitz of sorts (including an interview on Portland's most popular radio station) and they want to meet with me about being their preferred wedding planner. Can you believe it?? It would entail a lot of free advertising for me (and hopefully some great business!). I'm so excited I can hardly stand it -- we meet on the 25th. They also invited me to add to the gift basket they have to take to the radio station staff... they asked me to be sure to include my business card and brochure.

They, as well as one other wedding venue I have a good relationship with, have already asked to be featured on my new wedding blog.

Today God blessed us with beautiful spring weather. I didn't get a chance to enjoy being outside; however, tomorrow is going to be even warmer and I am definitely taking advantage.

Before I close, maybe I should ask you to pray for Michael.... he was already going to have my boys most of the day on Sunday while I coordinate this wedding; however, he got real brave and asked if he could just take them Saturday evening (while I'm at rehearsal) and keep them overnight as well. Wow! I'll get to go help tuck them in when I'm done, but I will be traveling home alone that night to sleep in while Michael gets to experience "parenting" for another 24 hours. He might need a prayer or two!! He's got lots of fun things planned for the boys and they are so excited. I've said it before... he's amazing! :)

Speaking of Michael, his aunt sent me a long, handwritten letter this week. It was so sweet! Pam, I know you're reading this and I just want to say thank you!! I can't even remember the last time I got a hand-written letter. It really made my day. I hope to return the favor....

Please Help...

This post isn't an update... I will post an update later today. I hope. Life is crazy stressful right now... wedding on Sunday, June wedding I'm working on, taxes due (that haven't been started), and a new legal crisis in my life.

BUT this isn't the update! This is a call for help. There is a blog I read by Lysa TerKeurst of Proverbs 31 Ministries. Two of her children are adopted from Africa. She just learned that the orphanage they came from is out of food as of today. There are 500 hungry children and no food to feed them.

Please go to today's post on her blog and read how you can help.... Proverbs 31 Ministries. And have a kleenex handy because there's no way to read her post and not cry...

Thank you so much!!!!!!

Check It Out!

Today I officially launched my new blog for brides:

The "I Do" Rendezvous

Go check it out! And if you know of any brides, give them the link.... they don't have to live near here to take advantage.

Saturday Outing

This evening after Michael was done working he & I took the boys bowling. We've been promising them for quite a long time. Drew loves to bowl and was very excited. Nick didn't remember bowling in the past, but very quickly became hooked. Most of the time he'd walk up to the lane and bowl all by himself. Then he'd do this hilarious jump/dance every time he knocked some pins down.

Drew loves bowling and created his own little leg kick of sorts before rolling (a.k.a., throwing) the ball down the lane. It was pretty funny.

As for Michael & I, let's just say that the side bumpers for the kids came in handy for us as well! Michael was the only one of us who even broke 100. As for me, I almost got beat by Nick!

Last night after we played games with Craig & Vickie and put the boys down to sleep, Michael & I watched "Gone, Baby, Gone". It has an extreme moral dilemma at the end.... something that was still making us think even today. The language was actually so bad that we almost turned it off. Perhaps we should have. But if you are able to get past the language, and if you're not a foster parent, then the movie is worth watching simply for the dilemma at the end. You realize that if the decision at the end were yours to make, you would be riddled with guilt for the rest of your life regardless of which way you chose. It's just that one guilt would be much harder to bear.... and for each person the answer/choice that would produce the greater feeling of guilt might be different.

I Feel a Little Cheated

Drew wrote a letter to God and he wanted to send it up to Heaven. So we went to the Dollar Tree to buy a balloon (the dollar, courtesy of Grandma). Since Nick always wants to do everything Drew does, we got him one too, and we helped him "write" his own letter to God.

We then went into the backyard to let them loose. I was already feeling a little cheated on the weather... instead of beautiful, warm, spring-like sunshine, we had mostly high clouds all day. Well, the boys quickly felt a little cheated as well. First it was when the balloons wouldn't fly. If you can imagine this, that one lone piece of paper attached to each balloon was enough to weight the balloon down. I couldn't believe it!






We finally got Drew's to start a slow ascent. We were so excited. We had purposely chosen the backyard so there would be no trees in the way.

Hmmm, can you guess why Drew felt a little cheated? Just when we finally get that balloon off the ground, it goes and finds the nearest tree and gets stuck way up out of our reach.

Next it was Nick's turn. His balloon didn't take quite as long to get off the ground. However, we realized rather quickly that there might be trouble when it sailed right over the roof toward the front of the house.

Sure enough, it found an even taller tree and made itself at home.

Although the boys were disappointed, I know that God saw those letters and had a huge smile on His face.

Ever since reading "The Shack" I've been thinking so much more about God and Who He is and my relationship with him. Imagine my shock when I learned from my dad on Monday that the book is not based on a true story at all but is rather theological fiction. I was stunned. The copy I read even said "Inspired by a true story" right on the front cover. The author had reasons for that, I now know; however, I have spent this entire week feeling somewhat betrayed and cheated. It's still a good book. I just would have read it with a whole different frame of mind if I had known I was reading "theological fiction". Some of what was one man's version of what God might be like I was taking as potential truth. That's why I feel so cheated. If you haven't read it, you should still get a copy and form your own opinion.

I borrowed my parents' lawn mower and spent two hours today mowing both yards. My hands have blisters, my feet hurt, and I am so tired....

New Chairs!!

Take a look at my fabulous new client office chairs!! Michael has been wanting to help me get sufficient office furniture and the other day he saw on Craigslist that a company who had relocated to Seattle was selling all of its high-quality office furniture. We were hoping for a desk, but the ones they had were simply too massive. Michael insisted that I get these chairs so my clients can sit in my office instead of at my dining room table. These are high-quality leather (they were $400/each when purchased new!) and they are soooo cushy! I think I could actually sleep in one. Do I have an awesome boyfriend or what??

I was out and about all day.... first meeting with my June clients at the church site in Amity, then getting these chairs in Tigard, then meeting with a rep from West Coast Event Productions in downtown Portland. Not only did we come up with a design for my clients' reception, but I also got to tour their entire showroom/warehouse. They have EVERYTHING... and if they don't have it, they will either buy it or make it. I was like a kid in a candy shop! Now I'm just drooling at the bit to get a bride with some outrageously high wedding budget so that I can go crazy. To top it off, I'm going to be meeting with the manager next week so she can make me one of their preferred vendors. Essentially that means I will get a discount I can pass on to my clients.... which just makes my services that much more valuable to a bride.

OK, so I'm sure you're wondering what my "new" things for yesterday & today were. Truthfully, as I was laying in bed last night I all of a sudden realized that I had completely forgotten about it. As I was wracking my brain for something I could do at the last minute, I turned to the clock and saw that it was 12:02 a.m. Too late for anything to count for yesterday.

Unless you count what I hung on my fridge... a list of 7 motivational reasons for me to lose weight. (I also emptied the house of all Easter candy -- two large bags worth! -- and gave it all to Michael; the boys won't even notice.) I have gained back a significant amount of the weight I lost last summer/fall and I am determined to apply self-discipline and get all of my weight off once and for all. I had a random Victoria's Secret bathing suit catalog arrive in the mail today. I decided I would pick out a bathing suit I like, tape the picture up to my list (better that than a picture of me!) and then treat myself to that bathing suit once I've reached my goal.

Oh yeah, back to the "one new thing a day" problem. In talking to Debbie today, I agreed that one new thing a day is simply much more than I can do. So I'm revising it.... one new thing a week. That way it will count more. And no, I'm not really counting the fridge list as one...

What's New...

Last week was our Spring Break. While this picture may look simply like your stereotypical Northwest spring day, it was anything but. Our Spring Break consisted of some mixture of rain, snow and hail (along with very cold temperatures) every day. It was CRAZY!! Anything but typical.

This week the warmer spring-like weather has started showing itself. I am so thankful! This girl needs warm sunshine!





I just have to take a minute and brag on Michael. Last Thursday he showed up with these beautiful flowers. Not for any reason; just because he's that sweet.

The boys were at Matt's this past weekend for the first time in a month. It gave Michael & I a chance to do some fun "couple" things. One thing we had been looking forward to was going garage saling on Saturday. We made out quite the list of what we were looking for.... Michael did great on his part; I didn't have as much luck. The weather ran the gammut while we were out.... pouring rain, snow, hail and sun. You name it, we had it. But we had a blast. And that night we had dinner with both sets of parents.

Gary (my brother) is in town again for a few days working on his aerial photography business. He brought Makenna (my niece) along for fun. Today I snatched her as a babysitter. It has been a godsend because I have TONS of work to do on these weddings. Been doing lots more networking as well. Nothing new on the job front, so I am concentrating 100% on networking and marketing.

Friday I met with my June bride at the reception site. Before now I never considered myself too creative when it came to decorating & design. However, she is relying on me to pull her vision together and I found that I had a whole bunch of creativity that had apparently been hiding until now. It's been so fun to dream up a design based on her desires (simple, yet elegant; no flowers, only candles).

My first wedding is coming up in only 12 days. Much to do!!

I'm thinking of trying something new.... I heard of a local Portland guy who has a blog to record his goal of trying one new thing every day for the entire year of 2008. The more I think about it, the more it sounds like fun to try something similar. I'd love to get to the end of the year and be able to look back on all the ways I was able to stretch myself and think out of the box. Could be a big thing one day and a little thing the next.

Since today is the 1st, I thought it might be a great day to start. I have no idea yet what I'm going to do.... I guess I'll let you know tomorrow what I came up with!

Anyone else game to do this with me? It could be pretty fun!! If nothing else, perhaps you could just shoot some good ideas my way...