True Confessions

It's one of those days where I need a little time to struggle and acknowledge my humanity for a while. I know you're thinking, "What in the world is she talking about??" Well, here's the deal. I'm stressed, depressed and wondering where in the world God is.

There, I said it. And it sounds even worse now that I've written it and it's staring back at me. But one of the best ways for me to get through it is to write about it. It helps me to get my perspective back.

God is silent and I don't know why. One day I will, but right now I don't.

I know it's not His will for His children to be in debt, and yet I am in debt up to my eyeballs and beyond because that's the only way I've been surviving the past few months. One day real soon I won't even be able to pay my credit card payment and then what?...

I know God is there. I know God is able. What I don't know is why He is closing every single door in my attempt to either find a job and/or get clients for my business. All 3 jobs I bid on this past week were awarded to someone else. I now have an opportunity to apply for a P/T Program Coordinator job for a local Child Abuse Prevention Agency. The hours would be perfect if my business were to get off the ground. The pay is a different story. It is extremely low (although the job does come with medical, vacation and sick leave). Apparently they will negotiate the pay depending on experience, so all I can do is interview and see how much higher they are willing to go. If the rate stayed the same, I would net only about $500/mo after taxes and childcare. But right now that's $500/mo more than I have.

On top of that, there was a potential buyer who looked at the house this afternoon. They loved the house, but said it's at the top of their range and they weren't sure if they could get financing. That wasn't surprising.... we know the house is a little overpriced out of necessity. Yet another potential buyer will be looking at the house tomorrow.

I look around and see God providing for others and am not sure where He is in my situation, or in Michael's situation. On Wednesday Michael received some very devastating financial news that was unfair and unjust, to say the least. We joke about getting monogrammed shopping carts and finding the best local bridge to sleep under. I just want to be able to get on here SOON and be able to tell you about the miracles God has done for each of us.

Here's the deal. I know my God is able. I know He loves us. I know anything less than full and complete trust in Him is a slap in the face. So right now, this very second, I am again putting aside my fears and my doubts and my depression and choosing to trust Him. I believe He is going to bring me an income and a way to support my family.

Michael is always such a wonderful encourager. In the midst of all of this he says: It's just money; we have our relationships with God, we have our relationship with each other, I am so blessed with my boys, we have friends and family, and we have chocolate.... so nothing else really matters!

I like his perspective.

BIG FAVOR!!

I have a favor to ask of all of you this weekend...

One week from Saturday, on the 23rd, my ad comes out in the News-Register's annual Bridal Guide. I want to be sure my website is looking its best. I would love to have you go look at it (all 4 pages) and give me your input and suggestions.

Thanks! I owe you one!! :)

www.noordinaryaffair.com

Story in Pictures

On Sunday we wore the boys out. I thought I could tell it best in pictures....

I think the boys were already a little worn out by the time we took them up to Michael's. They had enjoyed playing at church, and then had spent five hours at Tammy's playing with Jordan so that Michael & I could enjoy some couple time.

Just before dinner we decided to take the boys on a walk around Michael's property.

Within the first two minutes, Nick decided to go running full speed ahead... downhill. Needless to say, he ended up going down face-first into the mud. Michael tried to wipe him off. I simply stood there laughing. Sorry, but it was really funny. And it's a mom's privilege to laugh!



While we were by the pond, I spotted a salamander. My (deprived) boys had never seen one before, so they were fascinated by it. Michael picked it up and let Drew touch it and see its bright orange belly. Nick wouldn't come anywhere near it. He kept wanting Michael to throw it into the water. Finally Michael & Drew did release it into the pond.

We then started our walk to go the long way around to the rock quarry. The boys were fascinated by everything they saw (literally, EVERYTHING), but especially by the fact that we were following deer tracks.

At some point each of them got their feet tangled up a couple of times by the blackberry vines trailing across the road.

We then reached the backside of the quarry, the "giant dirt hill". When we told the boys that we were going to climb up the 30 or so foot hill of mud and gravel, Drew freaked out (see my Monday devotional on http://devotionalgems.blogspot.com). When he finally decided on his own that he could do this, he went after it with gusto. We gladly cheered him on from the bottom as he made his way with determination up to the top. I was so proud of him!




Once the rest of us joined him up top, Drew took a moment to sit and enjoy the fruits of his labors... the gorgeous view and the pride of his accomplishment.

We walked the boys through the quarry and let them throw rocks for a while in another pond before heading back to Michael's in the twilight to make dinner.

Let's just say that the boys slept REALLY GOOD that night.

Another Job Try

Late last night I submitted a bid for another job. (Yes, a bid/proposal, not an application; it was on a job site where you bid for jobs from employers who post them.)

Anyway, this would be a Virtual Assistant position for a new Missionary Ministry that is based in Thailand (with a Board of Directors in Illinois). It would start out as part-time (working from home), but they anticipate it going full-time as the ministry grows and they acquire more missionaries.



I checked out their website prior to bidding on the job and was extremely impressed with everything. Right now their primary focus is on helping girls/women in Bangkok who are caught in prostitution and the sex-slave industry.

I try not to get too excited when I apply for yet another job, but I couldn't help it this time... I got very excited at the possibility.

So now you have one more thing to pray with me about!

Breath of Fresh Air!

OK, you can finally stop looking for the "perfect" air freshener.... behold, I give you AirWick's 2 in 1 Papaya & Mango!

I have tried them all, including Oust and NeutraAir... you know, the ones that are supposed to neutralize the odors instead of covering them up. All I have to say to that is, "Yeah, right!" But I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here.

Michael has this air freshener in his bathroom. Not only does it cover the entire odor, but the bathroom smells awesome. For some reason WalMart doesn't carry this brand (go figure!). But yesterday Michael surprised me by going to WinCo and buying me my own. (I think he too was tired of my lame-excuse-for-an-air-freshener air fresheners.)

Who would have ever thought that after someone went in the bathroom to do their duty, you'd actually WANT to go in the bathroom when they were done to breathe in the great-smelling air?? Well, my friends, step into my bathroom and breathe deep....

Congratulations, Air Wick! And I thank you from the bottom of my heart...

God's Got a Plan

Am I cocky?

Strange question, I know. But here's the deal...

This week I was supposed to hear back from both potential employers as to whether or not I was being offered a job. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't be offered either job. On the contrary, I was more worried about the dilemma of being offered both jobs, or being offered the State job and not the Adoption job.

I'm really not cocky. Anyone who knows me knows that. I simply know what I was like as a professional, I know that I was always the "pet" in the workplace and that I was always known for being the most efficient worker there. It never occurred to me that someone else wouldn't know that, or that my being out of the workforce for 4 years would play into anything, or that maybe there is no one left at any of my past jobs who could vouch for me, or that my being 40 could factor into things.

Who knows what happened. However, both jobs failed to materialize. On the State job, I have no doubt that one of the two very qualified social workers who already worked in that office was offered the job. And that's as it should be. On the adoption job, the Director let me know today that she is going to be interviewing one last person and that she anticipates being able to hire that person because they possess the one thing I don't.... experience in the adoption field. The Director did say that if she feels after the interview that the other person would not be a good fit, she will offer me the job instead. So don't quit praying for a miracle in the next several days!! At the same time, I'm trying to be a realist and to prepare myself for the fact that the job is not to be for me.

God's got a plan. We keep reminding ourselves of that. He does have a plan. Why I'm not yet privy to the details, I don't know. I sure hope He reveals something soon.

Michael & I did decide last weekend that I should "go for it" and buy a 1/4 page ad in the local Bridal Guide that is being published next month by the News-Register. Good thing we made that decision! It was risky because I had to put it on a credit card. However, like Michael said, we could always have a garage sale to cover the cost of the ad if it doesn't land me any clients. The ad itself is beautiful (full color!) and I can't wait to see it come out. Along with the price, I also get to be listed online (in full color) for an entire year. The one thing I've always been lacking is a way to get to the brides. This is it.

My other big project this week has been the playroom. Nick loves to go down and just demolish the room... overturn every toy bin, empty the bookshelves, use the art supplies on the walls, etc. Enough was enough. Michael suggested that I box up almost all of the toys... leaving them with very few... and put them all in his shop for now.

I went a step further. The boys have WAY too many things. So I have been painstakingly going through each and every toy. I've had 3 distinct piles: 1) Goodwill, 2) Trash, 3) Boxed up for storage at Michael's. It has been interesting to say the least. The boys haven't necessarily liked my decisions on what stays, what goes, what goes permanently, what gets trashed, etc. But it will teach them a valuable lesson. I have a goal to finish up what's left this weekend while they're at Matt's.

Anybody need some toys??..... :)

Successful Surgery

Drew came through today's surgery very successfully. He had already been administered some "relaxation" medication at this point... in case you couldn't tell by looking!

Doctor said his adenoids were huge, so it's good they came out.

He did have a strange reaction to the anesthesia as he was coming out of it. He became extremely combative for about an hour and a half. Not even a double dose of meds (intended to put him to sleep until the anesthesia was out of his system) could calm him down.

He is now at home and doing great. I have him resting on the couch for the day, watching as many movies as he likes. He did immediately want to change into his Superman pj's. Perhaps that was to give him a sense of strength. It's funny... they told us that one of the drugs they gave him would cause amnesia so that he wouldn't be able to recall anything having to do with the surgery. I tested it out when we got home. Sure enough, all he could tell me about was checking in to the hospital and checking out of the hospital.

He was a very good example of faith today. If you want to hear about that, go to my devotional blog at http://devotionalgems.blogspot.com.